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BACK to JOKES
For thirty years, Johnson had arrived
at work at 9A.M. on the dot. He had never missed a day and was never
late. Consequently, when on one particular day 9 A.M. passed without
Johnson's arrival, it caused a sensation. All work ceased and the boss
himself, looking at his watch and muttering, came out into the corridor.
Finally, precisely at ten, Johnson showed up, clothes dusty and torn,
his face scratched and bruised, his glasses bent. He limped painfully to
the time clock, punched in, and aware that all eyes were upon him, said:
"I tripped and rolled down two flights of stairs in the subway. I nearly
killed myself!" The boss looked at his watch and said, "Rolling down two
flights of stairs took you a whole hour?!"
Technical Support
A man is flying in a hot
air balloon and realizes he is lost. He reduces his altitude and spots a
man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts: "Excuse me,
can you tell me where I am?"
The man below says: "Yes, you're in
a hot air balloon, hovering 30 feet above this field."
"You must
work in Technical Support," says the balloonist.
"I do,"
replies the man. "How did you know?"
"Well" says the
balloonist, "everything you have told me is technically correct, but
completely useless."
The man below says: "You must be in
management."
"I am," replies the balloonist, "but how
did you know?"
"Well", says the man, "you don't know
where you are, or where you're going, but you expect me to be able to
help. You're still in the same position you were before we met, but now
it's my fault."
Business one-liners
Eighty percent of all
people consider themselves to be above average.
Enough research will tend to support your theory.
Entropy has us outnumbered.
Error is often more earnest than truth.
Even a stopped clock is right twice a day.
Even if the grass is greener on the other side: they, like you, still
have to cut it.
Even paranoids have enemies.
Every silver lining has a cloud around it.
Every solution breeds new problems.
Everybody is somebody else's weirdo.
Everybody should believe in something, I believe I'll have another
beer.
Everybody's gotta be someplace.
Everyone breaks more than the seven-year-bad-luck allotment to cover
rotten luck throughout an entire lifetime.
Everyone has a scheme for getting rich that will not work.
Everyone has a scheme that will not work.
Everyone hits a brick wall now and then; the trick is not to do it
with your head.
Everything east of the San Andreas fault will eventually plunge into
the Atlantic Ocean.
Everything happens at the same time with nothing in between.
Everything in moderation, including moderation.
Everything is actually everything else, just recycled.
Everything is always done for the wrong reasons.
Everything put together sooner or later falls apart.
Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler.
Everything takes longer than you think.
Everything tastes more or less like chicken.
Everything worthwhile is mandatory, prohibited, or taxed.
Everything you know is wrong, but you can be straightened out.
Excellence can be attained if you care more than others think is wise,
risk more than others think is safe, dream more than others think is
practical, expect more than others think is possible.
Exceptions always outnumber rules.
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